Hi friends,

I’m excited to share a guest post from my friend Samantha Rosen today. Samantha is the editor of Living, Together, an anthology, out tomorrow about communal living, featuring essays from Kristen Arnett, Kim Stanley Robinson and more. I’ve read the book — it’s so good and you can expect to see it in a future edition of this newsletter.

— Elizabeth

Thanks to Elizabeth for having me! I’m excited to pop in to offer you some reads that really all revolve around one theme: interdependence. These are things I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past few years as I’ve worked on my anthology that comes out on July 14, Living, Together: Reimagining Community in the Age of Disconnection. How can we achieve it—and make it last? How do we respond to its challenges? Do we have to uproot our entire lives for it? Why are there so few models? If these questions have ever flashed throughout your mind, read on.

When I’m not writing about the above topics, you can find me writing about things like ADHD and the benefits of being more relaxed around time, why Friday Night Lights is actually a queer TV show, and the books and authors I love. When I’m not writing, I’m doing pottery, going to dance class, touching grass, doting on my cats, or rewatching “Gossip Girl” with my sister.

And now, what to read if…

You Wish You Could Just Live with Your Friends

The Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen

Good news! You can just live with your friends, and NPR producer/author of this NYT bestselling book, Rhaina Cohen, shows us how! This is the book I tell all my friends to read, especially those who feel somewhat unfulfilled by the way we’re taught to expect romantic relationships to meet so many of our needs.

I fibbed a little because living with friends is just one aspect of this brilliantly argued and reported book that has so much heart. It offers concrete examples of how it’s possible to build a life that’s centered just as much around friendship as on romantic relationships, whether that be buying a house with friends, raising kids with friends, or friends caring for one another at the end of life.

In addition to telling stories of different ways friends have put each other first, Rhaina examines close historical friendships and shares her own experience with life-changing friendships and living with her husband and friends. It’s hard not to read her work and feel like you’re missing out on something special by going along with the same old societal scripts. You’ll see what I mean.

As a bonus, Rhaina also has an essay in my Living, Together anthology that expands on her living situation and demonstrates the benefits of the ways it has grown and changed over time.

You’re Seeking Inspiration to Blaze a Trail

Entwined: Essays on Polyamory and Creating Home by Alex Alberto

You don’t have to identify with the polyamorous experience to love Alex Alberto’s work. I should know.

Alex is a person who is always looking for a path that feels better suited to them than the few that have been offered by society. In Entwined, they demonstrate this through the topics of relationships, family, identity, and home. At the core of Entwined is the struggle to figure out how it’s possible to do something they’ve never seen done before—and yet, they do. It’s inspiring to see Alex work through this earnestly and with humor across the essays in this collection, which take a variety of forms, including an advice column, a play, and a love letter.

If you’ve ever had a tense holiday dinner with family who don’t share your beliefs, or feel overextended caring for a member of your nuclear family who gets sick, you’ll relate to Entwined. And you might be inspired by Alex, as I have been, to blaze some trails of your own.

Alex also has an essay in Living, Together (sorry, I genuinely love my contributors!) that’s somewhat of a next chapter of their story as they embark on parenting in a three-parent family.

You’ve Ever Reluctantly Been Part of a Community (But Were Ultimately Glad You Did?)

The Wives by Simone Gorrindo

This gorgeous, raw memoir recounts Simone Gorrindo’s transition from living and working as an editor in Manhattan to becoming part of a military family when her new husband, Andrew, decides to join the army.

Although she has no interest in military life, Simone moves to Columbus, Georgia, shortly after which Andrew deploys to Afghanistan. She’s left to furnish the house, make friends, find a sense of purpose, and adjust to waiting for Andrew to call (conversations in which she gets little information about his life and well-being).

The community Simone forms among fellow military wives might be out of necessity, but it’s a moving example of how shared experiences bring people together. If you’ve ever had a life experience you’ve felt could only be understood by a specific person or group, you’ll relate to The Wives.

One final time—Simone has a stunning essay in Living, Together! It gets deeper into how one military wife pulled Simone out of loneliness and into community.

You Need A Sense of Community Around A Difficult Relational Experience

No Contact: Writers on Estrangement edited by Jenny Bartoy

In a way, I see this as a companion anthology to Living, Together, and it also came out this year. Just because we’re born into a family or community doesn’t mean it’s healthy or supportive. Severing ties or finding ourselves on the other end of severed ties is incredibly difficult, often full of conflicting feelings. My anthology also touches on this, particularly in essays by Kristen Arnett and Amanda E. Machado, but also others.

As with Living, Together, I think it’s essential that No Contact — whose contributors include Stephanie Foo, Nick Flynn, Deesha Philyaw, Cheryl Strayed, and many others — takes the form of an anthology. Estrangement is a particular kind of experience that only those who’ve been through can understand, and it’s often spoken about in hushed tones, if at all. No Contact offers a community around this, and I can see from the response thus far that this book was necessary. I’m glad it’s in the world.

What to Read If is a free weekly book recommendation newsletter. Need a rec? Want to gush about a book? Reply to this email, leave a comment or find me on Instagram or Threads.

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